And there it went . . . .

So, all that hope I had yesterday, it's gone! I woke DH up early this morning. We had our first PIO shot to complete. I had been making a big deal out of nothing. It wasn't bad at all. We will have to wait to see what tomorrow will bring. (Will my cheek be sore?) : ) Then, I waited. DH asleep on the couch after a long night of cat fishing. I waited. I watched TV and checked my daily websites. I waited. I ate breakfast; I had pizza from the night before. I waited. They said I would get the call by 12, noon. I waited. Then, at 11am the phone rang.

The nurse said that out of the those we retrieved 16 were mature. I was o.k. with that. I wouldn't have minded more of course. But, then came the unsettling news. Out of those 16, 6 fertilized with ICSI and were quote, "doing what they should be." Three of the 16 disintegrated. Then, the remaining 7, that's a different story. The embryologist said that they were developing slowly. From my understanding, they hadn't even fertilized them yet. I am not too sure. He was going to come in this afternoon and try to fertilize them. The nurse said, "if there are anything changes we will call you this afternoon."

I immediately hung up then phone and balled my eyes out. I wanted more. I didn't ask the questions I should have. I didn't really understand what was going on with the 7 other eggs. I didn't ask what she thought about the 6 that were 'good.' I didn't ask them when they were going to call back if the was no development in the 7 others. I didn't ask the questions I should have.

Now, I sit here waiting. There have been no more calls. Should I expect a call tomorrow? Will it be good news if they do call? Or, will the call not come until Monday? I really don't know if I can wait that long. I was thinking of calling them tomorrow if I haven't heard from them by 12, noon.

I was so ecstatic yesterday when I heard we got 22 eggs. My hope had returned. Now, a short 24 hours later that hope that had found me .... is now gone. I need to find that hope. I need to be strong. Even if none of the 7 others fertilize and develop as they should, I have 6 others that are doing what they should (at least they were as of this morning). I need to remember, it only takes one and I potentially have 6 to work with.

I need to find my hope once more . . . .