One day at a time. . . .

Yesterday, was our beta test. We had to leave the house bright and early. Of course, I knew that they test was going to be positive. However, before we left I took another FRER (it was from a new package). The lines (the test and the control) weren't as thick or as dark as the test from the day before. Ohh my... what's up with that? Is it just the test? Do I test better in the evening than with FMU? Is my HCG level going down? I feared the worse. I started cramping. I cramped throughout the day. My test was at 8:30am in Beechmont. There is a Quest Diagnostics Lab there that is closer than my RE's office. After the test was complete, we ate at B.ig Boy and ran to Lowe.s to return some items. We then returned home to wait....

It seemed like eternity, but sometime between 2 & 3pm, we received the call. I could tell by her voice that something was up. "Well, it was definitely positive." Us, "ok." She then proceeded to tells us that my HCG was 48 and progesterone was 27. My progesterone level is great! She did say that the HCG is a little low. Of course, I go back Sunday for another check. I know, I know... the main thing is that it at least doubles.

Last time, my number doubled... but I still lost the pregnancy. I am really hoping for a HUGE jump in numbers. I looked in my IVF packet for more information; the one I got at the beginning of the process. It described how a number less than 5 was negative, 5-45 was most likely a chemcial pregnancy, 50-100 is what they wanted it to be & something greater than 125 could mean twins. Well, here's my question:

What about 46, 47, 48 & 49?

I am so frustrated. I don't understand. I don't want to understand. I just want it to work. I pray that tomorrow my numbers are great. But, in the back of my mind I am fearing the worst. What about that test? What about the cramping? Why am I not cramping today? What about last time?

I wanted to test again last night. But, I didn't. I wanted to test again this morning. But, I didn't.

I am pregnant! I hope I stay pregnant for another 9 months. I guess tomorrow is another big day in our journey to having a healthy baby. I hope tomorrow is a good day.