Monday, November 22, 2010

We Got News

Last Monday, our SW called my cell phone on our way home from my DH's dentist appointment. She wanted to know when we wanted to meet up with Baby C's BM again. We had talked at our prior home visit about this and decided upon early December. She was just wanting to make sure that it was still a go. A little while later, she called again. I missed the call, but quickly called her back. She went on to tell us that Baby C's BM had picked December 1st. We know that she is anxious. She told us the time and then I went on to ask if the BF was going to be there or not. Our BM had told her that the BF didn't want to come. He just couldn't handle it. He would break down. That's not what we wanted on to hear. We'll keep working on that.

If that wasn't enough for one phone call, there was more news. Our BM had to tell her mother. Apparently, a bill from the hospital showed up at our BM's mother's home. All we know is that the converstation went well. She, Baby C's birthgrandmother, wants to meet us. The SW told our BM that this next meeting is not appropriate. And, the BM said that she told her mom that she could meet us only if we wanted this to happen. Our BM didn't tell her mother the entire truth. She told her that the BF didn't know Baby C even exsisted. I am not sure of the reasoning behind that, but I am sure it was so that her mother don't talk about Baby C with others.

Then, there was more... Baby C's BM is now working at the mall we go to regularly. She works in one our a favorite stores (The P.lace). We went to the mall this past weekend to pick up a few things and to get my wedding rings inspected, we are 99% sure that she was working that day. We didn't stop at the The P.lace. I guess I may need to mark that off of my list of places to shop on B.lack F.riday.

The plan is to meet with Baby C's BM on the 1st and to discuss us seeing other in public more. But, I am not personally ready to say just how close we live. I am also not ready to meet others from the birthfamily. Of course, we would love to Baby C's BF.

This has been a lot to digest. I am really not sure how I feeling about all of this...


Heather Allen said... [Reply to comment]

I think I take for granted the relationship we have with Gray's birth family. I hope everything goes well and you can figure out a plan that is best for your family. I know it is hard. Doesn't this week always remind you of pageant week?

Faith said... [Reply to comment]

It's a lot to process. We have visited Jackson's birthparents once and have been trying to coordinate another one. But, his birthfather has become more and more distant and is now not responding to our texts and emails. He was supposed to be at our finalization and never called and just didn't show up. Now he's saying he can't make it to the next visit. It is sad, and a lot to handle. We have a very open relationship, though, so he knows he can come back when he's ready and we'd love to share with him again. Anyway, good luck figuring it all out - we can only take it one step at a time.

Maria H. said... [Reply to comment]

Awww . . . hang in there! We have no relationship at all with our son's birth family but we have a great relationship with our daughters birth grandparents. They are so sweet to our 2 kiddos and we are very thankful for our open relationship with them . . . I text our daughter's birth grandmother pictures frequently :-)

I can see however how it would be weird and a bit uncomfortable to all of a sudden know our son's birth family lived so close and worked at places we frequented as we do not have really any contact with them.

Our daughter's birthmother is having a hard time and doesn't want to see her (which makes me a bit sad as I hate the fact that she is struggling) and the birthfather is out of the picture and has never been there.

Someone once told me . . . the kiddos that were placed in your house were placed there for a reason . . . you are the BEST person to know what your daughter will need and you will help her through MANY MANY things in the future. Be strong and you are right to take it slow . . .

Happy Thanksgiving!!! Lots to be thankful for this year!!!

Life Happens said... [Reply to comment]

I hope the visit goes well with the BM. I think over time, the BF will come around and you will be able to have more of a relationship withthe birth family (if that's what you want).

Have a great Thanksgiving. You guys have a great blessing in baby C!

manymanymoons said... [Reply to comment]

This seems like a lot to take in all at once. Just remember that you don't have to rush to make these decisions now. The extended birth family will be there whenever/if ever you are ready meet them. You've been on a rollercoaster since the adooption I'm sure and it will take time to feel comfortable with the distance/meeting new people/etc. Sounds like you're making the best decision you can for your family right now.

Victoria said... [Reply to comment]

I found your blog by chance while clicking through others and wow, your story had me glued to it for the past hour. This has to be the most amazing adoption story I've ever heard!!!

Your baby is beautiful! I have a big lump in my throat and teary eyes now from being so moved, what a wonderful time of life you're in!!!

Anonymous said... [Reply to comment]

Here from ICLW :) Sounds like you have a lot going on. I was always taught that if I'm not sure what to do, to not do anything - meaning not make any changes, and G-d will guide me in the direction I should go. Trust your instincts, and if they aren't directing you, give it some time. This will work itself out - one way or another. Take care of yourself, and congratulations on your daughter :) Sending prayers and best wishes.

Kelly said... [Reply to comment]

Open lines of communication definitely sound like a great idea in this situation and you're's a great deal to process.

wifey said... [Reply to comment]

This does seem like quite a lot to deal with all at once.... keep your chin up!

raw said... [Reply to comment]

So crazy, trying to navigate through the world of adoption, isn't it? When we were in FL for the whole month of February, we met with the birth parents several times. It got easier each time.

They now live in TX and want to plan a huge trip up here for her 1st birthday. We're trying to figure out boundaries and appropriate behavior, as I am sure you are.

Praying for you and knowing that whatever decisions you make, they will be the right ones for you and Baby C.


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