Monday, October 18, 2010

Questions Answered

Over the last several months, many of you have had questions for me. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to answer them all right away. Some of the questions I have simply missed, some of them I wasn’t ready to answer, others I didn’t/don’t know the answer to and on top of that I have just been plan busy with Baby C.

Here are some of the questions that you have had for me:

“Why weren't you supposed to know BM's last name?” We are in a semi-open adoption. She knows our first names since they were included in our profile. We learned her name the day that we got THE CALL. At our first meeting with Baby C’s BM, we learned the birthfather’s nickname. I talked about our BM’s last name in one of my previous post. The nurses at the hospital weren’t all on the same page therefore we heard her last name several times during our hospital experience. At our second meeting with Baby C’s BM, she elected to give us Baby C’s birth certificate. So, we now ‘officially’ know her last name. It’s just a matter of confidentiality on both ends. As you may have read, we also now know that we live very close to one another.

“I am assuming you guys have a close adoption?” We actually have a semi-open adoption. We were up for any type of relationship. Since our situation resulted from a hospital call (we were not matched until Baby C had already been born), no real discussion occurred ahead of time about the type of relationship that everyone was comfortable with. On her paperwork, Baby C’s BM did say that she would like pictures and visits a few times a year. But, again, she didn’t have a ton of time to think about this. We were so happy to learn, a few weeks after we brought Baby C home, that she wanted to meet with us.

“What is the deal with the birth certificate?” Baby C’s BM wanted us to pick our daughter’s name. Within hours of us arriving to the hospital the first day, they wanted us to name her. Luckily, they gave us until the next morning. After we did, the director of our agency gave the hospital records department the necessary information. Then, a birth certificate was requested and sent to our agency. But, again, they couldn’t just hand it us since it contained our BM’s last name. So, that’s when they handed it to her and she handed it to us. We will be able to apply for a new birth certificate after finalization which should be in late January or early February. Baby C’s last name will officially be changed to our last name.

“How do you feel about them living so close and the possibility of seeing them often?” We are comforatable with the idea of having them close by. At first, we were very apprehensive because we had no idea about the type of people that they were. No, we don’t know everything about Baby C’s birth family, but we feel much more comfortable now. Our biggest concern is them. There is only a select few people who know about their adoption plan…There are very few people that they know who know about Baby C. I am more worried about running into on them in public and how to handle that situation (especially if they are with someone else). We don’t want to put them in an awkward situation.

“I'm curious, is it awkward meeting at the agency? Our adoption is open, but very unstructured, so when we meet it's usually at T's house and very casual. This meeting sounds more formal?” Going into the two meetings that we have had so far we have ALL been very nervous. But, a few minutes into each we become at ease. Baby C’s BM has fed her at both meetings; we have taken pictures together and exchanged pictures. Baby C’s BM even gave her a plush blanket and hair clips. One of our social workers is in the meeting with us. She rarely says much, but did guide us a little during our initial visit. At our last visit, she left the room a couple of times for extended periods.

“How much longer will you have to go thru the agency for visits with her BM?” I am not sure. I guess that’s up to everyone involved. I would imagine the next step would be at a restaurant or park of some sort, but with our social worker there. We plan to meet again closer to the holiday, but that will be at the agency. We are very hopeful that we will get to meet Baby C’s birthfather.

“Where are you finding the Huge Bows at?!” It’s simple. I have ordered several from e.bay, boutiques hosted on Face. Book and through Etsy dot com.

“Where did you get those adorable leggings/pants/legwarmers?” That’s simple also. I ordered them from the same places as the bows. If you check out some of my previous posts about bows I included links to several of my favorite stores.

“How did your adoption work? Through an agency or some other means?” We are working with a local agency. We will have to retain a lawyer for the finalization process.

“Could you figure out what the comment in the other language said?” This what was originally written: “Assolutamente d'accordo con lei. Mi piace la tua idea. Offerta di mettere una discussione generale. E 'vero! Penso che questo sia una buona idea. Pienamente d'accordo con lei.” And, this is what it translated into: “Absolutely agree with you. I like your idea. Offered as a general discussion. It 's true! I think this is a good idea. Fully agree with you.”

… It didn’t make much sense with the post with was included with. So, who knows. Maybe it was just spam.

“Will you still pursue fertility treatments now that you have Baby C?” We have no clue where we are as far as fertility treatments. As of right now, we are enjoying being parents to Baby C. She is our miracle!

“Did you have any fears about adoption? And now that you have Baby C have those fears went away?” We had fears about the cost, the wait time, the decision of races to be open to, the idea of never being picked, the emotional toll on the birth family, the acceptance of our family…. I am sure that there are more. We still think about many of these issues daily. But, really how does any of that matter when we have Baby C here with us. We are beyond blessed.

“Right now I'm overwhelmed with the 55 questions on our questionnaire. How much info is too much?” Both my DH and I had to complete a 19 question autobiography during the first part of our adoption process. This was for the use of our social worker doing our homestudy. Then, for our profile, we were able to pretty much do what we wanted. The main thing that I could suggest is to be honest. I think that it also important that your DH’s helps so that his point-of-view is included. Remember to not get frustrated, write a little and then take a break.

More questions? Don't hesitate to ask!
You can post them in a comment or email them to me
(check out the link to my email on the left side of my homepage).


Rach said... [Reply to comment]

Great post! Thanks!!

Patience said... [Reply to comment]

Thank you for sharing all of this! DH and I are just starting to dip our toes into adoption.


KAM said... [Reply to comment]

I'm so happy I found your blog! Thank you ICLW! Your little girl is gorgeous! DH and I have our first informational meeting with our adoption agency in 2 weeks. We are SO excited!! By the way, you have a new! :)


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