Thursday, August 13, 2009

No What We Hoped For

Who was I kidding.... I had my hopes up. And, once again, they were let down. How could one expect us not to have high hopes? I just don't know what to think. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what's next for us. I am lost. I am confused. I am sad. I am heartbroken.

Our third ultrasound was supposed to be a breeze. Everything was supposed to go as planned. It didn't.

As soon as I looked at Dr. H's face, I could tell it wasn't good news. I could see visible growth on the screen... but the picture was missing something... there was no longer a heartbeat. Our hearts were broken. I am going to skip the rest of the story... Basically, I cried.

I have been told to stop my Baby Aspirin and PIO. I have done so. My nurse told me my TSH was out of whack. Pregnancy can cause that. But, who knows? We are going to follow up on that.

Well, I am back to waiting... I am now waiting to miscarry my precious babies. Yes, both babies were still visible. I feel like a failure. Although, Dr. H keep telling me it was nothing I did.

The nurse has called and checked on us. That was nice. She said they will call again. If I haven't started miscarrying within two weeks we may have to take the next step whatever that may be.

So, for now. I am doing the things I couldn't do this summer. The things I wish I still were not able to do (lifting, vacuuming, using chemicals, moving things, drinking caffeine, eating fish...etc). At least it keeps my mind off of things... a little.

I will update when I can... when I feel as though I can. I started this blog in hopes of covering IVF # 1 (and only) and my pregnancy. I guess I have a little more to add to my journey.

In memory ....
Angel Baby 3.15.09 & Angel Babies 8.09



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