Thursday, July 8, 2010

Closure

Today was a little tougher than I thought it would be. I was fine walking in and going through all of the basics (temperature, blood pressure, etc…). We got into the exam room where I told my DH that I was going to yell if she (my RE) asked if I had talked to the psychologist yet. Guess what? She asked and I lost it. DH said it right, “she’s alright until she gets here.” I also told her that I was upset because it would be my last appointment there for a while. I really meant that I was upset that I was no longer in control (not going to be able to do something about it...). For the foreseeable future, we are done with fertility treatments. The chromosome results have not come back from the D&C. I am not sure when to expect that phone call. Again, we will not be finding out the gender.

Yes, we have our appointment with Dr. Kwak-Kim scheduled for July 22nd. At this point, I have no idea if our insurance will be covering any of this appointment or not. It doesn’t matter; we are going through with the testing. We simply need to know what we would be facing if we decide to go through with fertility treatments again in the future. At this point, we know that we would have to go through IVF again and we all know what that costs and it is time consuming enough in itself. After seeing Dr. Kwak-Kim our RE is pretty confident that we would be adding several more treatments to that mix (like IVIg treatments which are VERY costly and time consuming on their own). All I need to say is that both of us are TEACHERS. If you are a teacher or know someone that is you will understand what I am saying. Sooooooo…..yeah, I don’t see that anytime in our near future. Maybe I should start playing the lottery.

As soon as I left that office, I felt a huge since of relief come over me. My RE said it herself; she has done all that she can and now we need to try something different. Even if we never cycle again, I will know that I have exhausted all of my avenues. As scary as that is, I think that I am o.k with that. My RE was very encouraging that most people that go to Dr. Kwak-Kim don’t miscarry again, but there is never a guarantee.

Our journey, but not our plan… now it’s starting to be our new plan.

11 comments:

Kelly said... [Reply to comment]

Your frustration is clear through your posts and understandably so. I hope that your new doc has answers for you. Hang in there until that appointment...it will be here soon.

Nick and Kristi said... [Reply to comment]

Hang in there girl....Ive def been here and its not a fun place to be....time will heal your pain...and I know seeing Dr.Kwak will give you new hope...it did me at least...and her I am now...not in safe place yet but def fighting everyday...with money me and my hubby dont have alot of it either but with the IVIG so far I am getting around that...dont lose hope and keep the faith the most even when it is the hardest...Peaceful thoughts go your way:)Kristi

Nick and Kristi said... [Reply to comment]

Wanted to add to that Dr. Kwak does believe in natural cycles we tried forever and finally got prego with our first IVF but ended quickly in a chemical loss....then we got pregnant on our own would have never thought that would have happened...but miscarried...then prego again for FET but chemical loss...Then prego on our own and another loss....and now we did IVF so that we could really control the situation but to be honest I think we could have done it on our own again....Dr. Kwak will test everything and who knows maybe if IVF is out of the question maybe you can go back to less invasive with immune tx...and there is alot you can do in forms of supplements to really get your body in gear...I did all of this before our cycle and am currently on supplements now...if you are interested shoot me an email and I will send you the info...Also are you from IL? I am:) take care

Kari said... [Reply to comment]

I hope you get some good answers from testing with the specialist. Good luck and I'll be following along with your journey.

Jo said... [Reply to comment]

DH and I are both teachers, too, so I feel your pain in more ways than one. I hope that some answers are forthcoming. Big hugs.

Jo

Rach said... [Reply to comment]

Glad you made it through your appointment. Big hug to you. I hope you get some answers at your appointment on the 22nd.

Life Happens said... [Reply to comment]

I'm sorry it's so frustrating with unexplained IF. I hope the new dr will be able to provide answers.

Faith said... [Reply to comment]

Closure....such a simple concept, so tough to achieve. I hope you find the answers you are looking for. I know how hard it is to go back to the "scene of the loss." I am now on my third OB office for that reason - I can never go back after the trauma of another loss. Hang in there.

embieadoptmom said... [Reply to comment]

Hugs to you.. I'm so sorry and am hoping that the Dr. will make sense of it all for you VERY SOON!

elle said... [Reply to comment]

*hugs* I am glad that you did feel some relief after your appointment. I'm praying that this new Dr. will have answers for you...

Nick and Kristi said... [Reply to comment]

What time is your apt next Thursday? We will be there at 12:15that day....That would be funny to run into each other:)Is this your first apt with Dr.Kwak? She will def help you...she has helped us so much as you can see by the proof in what is happening currently

 

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