Closure

Today was a little tougher than I thought it would be. I was fine walking in and going through all of the basics (temperature, blood pressure, etc…). We got into the exam room where I told my DH that I was going to yell if she (my RE) asked if I had talked to the psychologist yet. Guess what? She asked and I lost it. DH said it right, “she’s alright until she gets here.” I also told her that I was upset because it would be my last appointment there for a while. I really meant that I was upset that I was no longer in control (not going to be able to do something about it...). For the foreseeable future, we are done with fertility treatments. The chromosome results have not come back from the D&C. I am not sure when to expect that phone call. Again, we will not be finding out the gender.

Yes, we have our appointment with Dr. Kwak-Kim scheduled for July 22nd. At this point, I have no idea if our insurance will be covering any of this appointment or not. It doesn’t matter; we are going through with the testing. We simply need to know what we would be facing if we decide to go through with fertility treatments again in the future. At this point, we know that we would have to go through IVF again and we all know what that costs and it is time consuming enough in itself. After seeing Dr. Kwak-Kim our RE is pretty confident that we would be adding several more treatments to that mix (like IVIg treatments which are VERY costly and time consuming on their own). All I need to say is that both of us are TEACHERS. If you are a teacher or know someone that is you will understand what I am saying. Sooooooo…..yeah, I don’t see that anytime in our near future. Maybe I should start playing the lottery.

As soon as I left that office, I felt a huge since of relief come over me. My RE said it herself; she has done all that she can and now we need to try something different. Even if we never cycle again, I will know that I have exhausted all of my avenues. As scary as that is, I think that I am o.k with that. My RE was very encouraging that most people that go to Dr. Kwak-Kim don’t miscarry again, but there is never a guarantee.

Our journey, but not our plan… now it’s starting to be our new plan.