Saturday, July 31, 2010

Monday- Day 3/Part 1

I am not sure how much I slept Saturday night. I do know that I was up bright and early. We didn’t want to spend all day at the hospital. It’s not that we didn’t want to see Baby C; it was that we were afraid that things were going to fall through. We were to meet our SW at the hospital at 3pm.

Unfortunately, our truck’s AC had been acting up in the days leading up to all of this. We had scheduled a maintenance appointment for 8am this day. We decided to not cancel. How could we bring a baby home with AC that was messed up? DH had tried to call the service center Saturday and Sunday, but they were closed. We were afraid to take the truck in because we would be stuck driving mine (my car has no AC at all). So, at 8am my DH called the center and told them that we still wanted to bring the truck in but had to have a rental that could fit a car seat. Needless to say a couple of hours later my DH pulled in our driveway with a 2010 Y.ukon that was fully loaded. Sweet!

The week before, we had also scheduled our two puppies for their yearly shots. Again, we didn’t want to cancel. To prepare, I gave the puppies a bath. When my DH got home, we loaded up to head to the appointment. The littlest had an accident in the office and both wanted to sit on the benches with us while we wanted. It was cute. The vet we go to is a family friend. The appointment probably lasted longer than normal due to all of the small talk. I know, he didn’t know that our lives were about to change in a big way and that we were nervous and in a hurry.

We then headed back home to finish getting things ready. I packed our diaper bag and we grabbed our video and still cameras (which we made sure were charged). We installed the car seat and the seat protector (that went…well, we got it in). Then, we finally hit the road.

I can’t remember at this point what we ate for breakfast or if we even did. At this point, that is not what matters most. I do remember still wanting a BIG bow for Baby C. We stopped at M.eijer to see what we could find. We didn’t have any luck.

We then proceeded to head to the hospital. We had been parking in a parking garage the days prior, but the rental truck was too tall to park there. Trust me, we tried. I was afraid that we were going to make the rental truck in to a convertible. So, we found a nearby parking lot that ended up also being free after validating our ticket. As we were parking, we noticed a gentleman filling up his gas tank. Had he ran out? Nope, that didn’t do the trick. We were in a rental, we didn’t have jumper cables. As we crossed the street, the gentleman yelled for us. We were parked close to him and another gentleman (who was parked outside of the lot) had offered his cables for us to use. DH looked at me; we couldn’t say no. So, as my DH moved the rental and helped, I stood in the parking lot holding my purse, the diaper bag, the cameras and the car seat. And, it was hot out! But, we felt like we did the right thing by stopping to help out. Wuldn’t you want someone to help you if this happened to you?

Once we walked into the hospital lobby, we went into the gift shop. The day before I had noticed that they had bows for sale. They were little bows, but I thought that the headband would be small enough for Baby C. We also got something to drink. After a quick potty break, we decided to wait in the lobby. During all of our conversations with our SW, the day before and that day, we never said where we were going to meet. Around 3pm I texted our SW saying that we were in the lobby. It took her a while to text back. She told us to wait there. It made us nervous that it took her a while and that her response was one word. Was something not going as planned? I tried to not let my mind go to crazy places by people watching.

A couple of minutes later she arrived. She had a smile on her face. It took her a while to text us because she was driving and then she had a shake/ice cream to finish before coming in.

We got our parking tickets validated and headed up to the third floor. We scrubbed our hands and met up with the hospital’s SW. We were placed in a small conference room. It was dim and the lamps were bolted to the center of the tables. We had one pen between the four of us (there was student SW there with our SW). We barely had any hard surfaces to write on.

We had to sign a ton of paperwork. Our SW had to read everything to us. We had to sign two of everything. One copy of the documents would be the agency’s and the other would be ours. Our SW kept telling us that there were two pieces that we couldn’t sign until we got the call from the other SW. Our BM was supposed to show up at the agency’s office between a certain time frame to sign her final pieces of paperwork.

I kid you not; our SW’s phone rang a million times. She received calls and messages about other cases. The student SW had to call before she got there to see where we were. Her phone even locked up. She had to take the battery out to fix it. She has one of those s.martphones were you have to enter a password each and every time you want to use it. OMGoodness, it made us so nervous every time we had to pause because of her phone! At one point, we did get word that our BM had gotten lost going to the agency.

We had gotten to the point where all that we had left was the final pieces of paperwork. Our SW had even signed the paperwork that the hospital required. Right then, her phone rang. Our BM had signed. We lost it! I looked up at the clock; it was 4:40pm. Our SW read the last of the paperwork to us and then we signed.

It was time to go met our daughter, Baby C.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Sunday- Day 2

We woke up Sunday having little or no sleep. I can’t remember if we had breakfast or not anywhere. If we did, I assure you that I didn’t eat much. We headed straight to the hospital. Our plan was to spend time there, but not all day. We had talked with our SW about that. We wanted to see her so badly, but were so scared of what could or could not happen in the hours to come.

When I saw her Sunday, she was even more precious than the day before. We knew that we had to call our SW soon with her name. That morning we were still pondering, but had continually narrowed it down. Once we were at the hospital and able to hold her, it just clicked. We knew that we had figured out what she was to be called. We texted our SW. She said, “Great name!” She then contacted the Records Department at the hospital. From then on, we started calling her by her name. It started feeling more and more real…and like it could actually happen.

After a few hours, we left the hospital on a mission. We needed something to bring her home in. It’s tough find preemie cloths; especially something other than a sleeper. We went store to store and finally found something at Sear’s. It was hard for me to purchase something. I only wanted to buy one outfit, but DH insisted on two. We also spotted a bedding set and wall d├ęcor that we absolutely loved at BRU. Again, DH wanted to buy it, but I just couldn’t dare. At T.arget I found a NB dress and bloomers that I thought may fit; it was too cute to resist. Even though we looked everywhere, I couldn’t find any bows. I wanted a BIG bow. Buy everything I found was to big in the headband or way too small in the bow. We tried to eat lunch at G.old S.tar in the mall, but that didn’t settle to well with me.

We decided it was time to head back to the hospital. On our way in, my phone rang. It was our SW. She reassured me that everything was o.k. Another SW had just met with Baby C’s BFamily to get the BD’s history. The meeting had gone as planned. Another hurdle had been met. That’s another reason we left the hospital that afternoon. I was so afraid that we would get a phone call that they had changed their mind while we were there with Baby C. But, that didn’t happen. That phone call allowed me to breathe, but only a little.

We proceeded to go upstairs to spend more time with Baby C. A few hours passed and reality really started to settle in. We had nothing but a car seat/stroller combo and a few outfits. We left the hospital around 5ish and headed back to BRU to make a registery as a list. DH was in charge of the registery gun. He had fun. I pointed, he registered away. The gentleman from the night before was there again. He was so helpful. We bought a few more things ourselves including a sippie cup with her name (I know, that’s a while away). He gave us an expired coupon to use and said that cashier would honor it. Sure enough, another act of kindness. I am sure that we got dinner somewhere on the way home, but I can’t remember where. I knew that I wouldn’t be cooking anytime soon.

When we got home, we completed a few more things around the house. The night before, I had remembered that I had bought a diaper bag at the V.era B.radley outlet sale a few years back. I pulled it out from under our bed and threw it in the washer.

Sunday night, I did a load of baby laundry for the first time. It smelled soooo good. I couldn’t wait to pack the diaper bag. I would save that for Monday.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Saturday- Day 1/Part 2

… After pulling ourselves together (the best that we could), it was time to meet Baby C. As soon as we walked into the area in which she was being kept, I saw her precious face. She was lying in her bed with her head facing towards us. Her eyes were closed and she had on the most precious hat. I could tell that they hat must have been made by volunteers. We were introduced as the adoptive parents and then identifying information was moved. Chairs were repositioned and within a few moments I got to hold Baby C for the first time (1:15pm, I looked at the nearest clock). She was so tiny and content. She smelled…like a baby. DH also got to hold her. The SW reminded us that it would be nice to take pictures. She didn’t even flinch. We then took turns holding her. We got to change her and feed her. Her little diapers were so cute; she had on P.ampers, preemie size. We even had to fold them down. That day’s feeding went slow. We weren’t completely sure of what to do and she was so tired that it took a while for her to finish.

Before the SW left, she was going to check with the clerk to make sure everything was good as far as us checking in and out, etc… The SW came back in and told us that they had just gotten a call from the Records Department; they wanted her name. We had no clue! Luckily, our SW was able to work it out so that we could have that evening to ponder over her name, but we had to get back to her early Sunday morning so that she could then call the Records Department.

Around 6pm, we decided to leave the hospital. We were hungry. We needed a car seat. And, we needed a name. I swear we walked around in a complete daze that evening. We went back and forth between being completely in shock, to pure nervous, to optimistic, to pessimistic, to scared… our emotions were everywhere. The first stop that we made was B.abies R U.S. Our SW said that we could borrow someone’s car seat that we knew or that she could dig one out that she has for situation such as ours. She also said that the baby could even sleep in one until we figure out something different. She also warned us that they more people we tell…the more people would have to tell if things did not work out. We decided to not tell anyone. So, we entered BRU on a mission. I felt lost. I wanted something perfect. I wanted something that I had time to research. But, I needed something right then. I needed whatever I could find. The gentlemen that helped us was terrific. HE asked us, “When do you need this?” I thought to myself, ‘we needed this like yesterday.’ He noticed our hospital bands and DH and I just laughed. He probably thought we left our newly born baby at the hospital to come and shop because we were so unprepared. Were we one of those cases where the woman didn’t know she was pregnant? Finally, I just told him what was up. His demeanor changed. His face lit up. He had a friend that had adopted, but that had a rough time with it. He said something to point of, “I gotta figure out something for you.” The next thing we knew we were offered a $300 set (stroller, cars eat & base) for $75. We couldn’t pass up that deal. It was also unisex. We told him that if everything worked out, that we would be back Sunday.

We then went to B.orders to pick up a book of baby names. I also found a cute, unisex, baby journal. And, DH found a fantasy football magazine. At the register, nothing was really said between us and the cashier, but when she rang us out she randomly have us 20% off of the baby journal. That made us smile.

We then went to eat at Cheeseburger in Paradise. I barely ate. We looked through the baby name book over and over again. Some names we instantly threw out and others sounded pretty good. Eventually, we had narrowed down our list. We were able to come up with the middle names first. Yes, she has two middle names. My sister and I both do. And, both of the middle names are based on family names. I think that it was so tough to come up with a first name because we were so set on the middle names.

The car ride home was just like that car ride there and rides to and from the stores. Have you ever driven somewhere and not remembered how you got there? That was us Saturday, Sunday and still today for us. When we got home, we started to clean out the room that is to be the nursery; it had been used as a catch all room. We cleaned up a little around the house and tried to get some sleep. My heart was anxious.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Saturday- Day 1/Part 1

Saturday started off interesting. My DH was still upset with our oldest puppy, CHI. Friday night; I had caught her chewing on my DH’s night mouth guard. Then, he realized that his retainer was also missing. Sure enough, CHI had broken it! Needless to say, my DH was upset and wasn’t on talking terms with CHI even on Saturday morning. I even told my DH that it was partly his fault since he had left it out. I asked him, “What are you going to do when we have children?”

We had plans to attend a festival that our community hosts annually. I was going to go watch the bike/wagon parade and was to later on help out with the cake walk. At 10:27am I posted a status on F.acebook. I then went to take a shower. I always take my phone with me to the shower. Except for some reason, I didn’t Saturday. Someone in the family texted my phone and my DH checked to see what it said. Then, at 10:34am, my phone rang. It came up as Private Number. He answered the call. One moment I was in the bathtub and then next thing I know I heard a knock on the door. I said, “What do you want?” He said, “It’s ******** (the director of our agency).” I have never gotten out of the shower so fast. I grabbed a towel and out I went. We put her on speaker phone. She asked us if we were sitting down. So, we said that we could. She then proceeded to tell us that we had been matched. We were elated. And, the next thing she said rocked our world even more… the baby had been born the day before. The next 27 minutes and 45 seconds were spent discussing the ends and outs of the match. We knew that this was IT for us!

She asked when we could get to the hospital since the BFamily wanted us to take care of Baby C while she was in the hospital. We said that we would love to even though we knew that there were risks involved. All that I can say is that the BFamily hadn’t worked with our agency until Baby C was already born. The rest is our Baby’s story and we want to keep that to ourselves. This match seems like it was destiny!

We were in total shock. We still are. We finished getting ready and tried to call my sister to try to tell her that I would not be able to help her that day. She didn’t answer. We gathered our cameras and went to find my sister. Of course, she was busy working with the children at the festival. We pulled her to the side and simply said, “I won’t be able to help you out today at the cake walk. We are on the way to hospital…for a good reason!” We then ran off!

Of course we hadn’t eaten yet and we needed gas (K.roger). At the gas station, we got another call from the agency. We knew that the BFamily wanted to leave the hospital against the doctor’s orders and the BM wanted to meet us. Needless to say, we got the hospital pretty fast and I didn’t eat much of the lunch that we had just purchased (W.endy’s). Once we got closer to the hospital, the phone rang again. It was our SW asking how close we were (we were in the parking garage). We meet our SW where she tried to calm our nerves. We got our parking passes verified and then took the elevators to the 3rd floor. Before seeing Baby C, we had to wash our hands. That was a learning experience in itself. When we finished washing our hands, we turned around …. There stood Baby C’s BM. She recognized us. She was brief. She wanted us to name Baby C. We thanked her over and over again. I wanted to touch her. I wanted to hug her. The SW tried to help us all talk. Baby C’s BM asked me not to cry, I didn’t. As quickly as the conversation started, it ended and she left. We had to get banded before we saw Baby C. Our SW had to take care of some things in order to do that. That’s when I lost it. I had just met the BM of my daughter.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Introducing...

I am soooo excited to introduce ***** (I am only living her name up for a day or so)

Our daugther was born 7.16 in the morning. She is perfectly healthy. She is tiny and came home wearing premmies!

We got THE CALL Saturday morning and were able to be with her in the hospital off and on Saturday and Sunday. The BM signed her papers Monday evening and the BF signed his this evening. We have truly been blessed. She is offically ours!

We even had our first post-placement visit with our socialworker today. It went fantastic! She slept through the entire visit.

She has her first doctors visit tomorrow.

Thank you all so much for your support. I will be back with more soon.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Family

We are now a family of three!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Getting Closer

No words can explain how we feel.
We have been told to stay grounded.
How in the world do they expect us to do that?
We are trying so hard to be realistic, yet optimistic.
Less than 24 hours from now our house could get a little more crowded.
No one knows yet, but you.
It's so hard to keep a secret; especially a secret like this.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

No Ordinary Saturday

My phone rang a little before 10am.
My DH took THE CALL at first.
Then we put her on speaker.
Our hearts were, still are, beating out of our chests.
Today our lives have changed forever. No matter what happens in the days to come.
At 1:15pm today, I held a baby that could be ours forever.
Tomorrow, we get to visit again.
More details to follow.
Now, we wait until Monday.
Pray for us. Pray for the birth family. Pray for the little one.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Closure

Today was a little tougher than I thought it would be. I was fine walking in and going through all of the basics (temperature, blood pressure, etc…). We got into the exam room where I told my DH that I was going to yell if she (my RE) asked if I had talked to the psychologist yet. Guess what? She asked and I lost it. DH said it right, “she’s alright until she gets here.” I also told her that I was upset because it would be my last appointment there for a while. I really meant that I was upset that I was no longer in control (not going to be able to do something about it...). For the foreseeable future, we are done with fertility treatments. The chromosome results have not come back from the D&C. I am not sure when to expect that phone call. Again, we will not be finding out the gender.

Yes, we have our appointment with Dr. Kwak-Kim scheduled for July 22nd. At this point, I have no idea if our insurance will be covering any of this appointment or not. It doesn’t matter; we are going through with the testing. We simply need to know what we would be facing if we decide to go through with fertility treatments again in the future. At this point, we know that we would have to go through IVF again and we all know what that costs and it is time consuming enough in itself. After seeing Dr. Kwak-Kim our RE is pretty confident that we would be adding several more treatments to that mix (like IVIg treatments which are VERY costly and time consuming on their own). All I need to say is that both of us are TEACHERS. If you are a teacher or know someone that is you will understand what I am saying. Sooooooo…..yeah, I don’t see that anytime in our near future. Maybe I should start playing the lottery.

As soon as I left that office, I felt a huge since of relief come over me. My RE said it herself; she has done all that she can and now we need to try something different. Even if we never cycle again, I will know that I have exhausted all of my avenues. As scary as that is, I think that I am o.k with that. My RE was very encouraging that most people that go to Dr. Kwak-Kim don’t miscarry again, but there is never a guarantee.

Our journey, but not our plan… now it’s starting to be our new plan.

 

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